So, today's been rougher than the past few, which were rougher than the few before that. Not entirely sure why, but I've just been having a tougher time of things. The old tension I sometimes feel inside is surfacing for the first time in Korea, and I feel the withdrawal that typically accompanies it as well. I'm tempted for a moment to blame it on Nausea, but I think it's just happening to coincide with the book. It's been a really long week, and I think that's my problem. It's not that the weeks been long, it's that I know that the longness of it is completely subjective. It's as though somethings churning below the surface, and it is this churning that makes me anxious. The anxiety, of course, is self-perpetuating, and I need to take the off-ramp this weekend so that I'll be able to get going again on Monday.
The nice thing is that in Korea, detoxing is pretty easy after a long week. I'm going to go to KFC tonight and have some good food, and after that I'll be going to the sauna to try and soak the week out of my tired bones. I'm finding it tough to be positive, but I'm also laughing at myself for not being able to. I guess, in all honesty, that I'm feeling homesick again. Remember about two months ago, when I couldn't tell you whether the things I felt were here or there? Well, I'm there again, or here, or whatever. So, anwyay, I'm in some nebulous space for the time being, and hoping to shock myself out of it, or ease out of it, or write my way out of it. I'd like to be out by the end of the weekend, but I'm not setting a time limit, just taking a day at a time. For now, I teach, and try not to be a monster.
Tomorrow, I'll do my best to live as though I weren't in a funk. That's always worked best. If I try to figure out why I'm feeling like this, I'll inevitably have to go onto the turf of the monster to do so. I've been there, and don't plan to visit. It's a pretty useless place. I'll just move fast, make do, and hope that it can't keep up with me as I go for bike rides, relax, and read all weekend.
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2 comments:
Jesus, it's been so incredibly long since I've posted to you, but I just tried to catch up on your blog and I just miss you incredibly.
Things will work out. You know how it goes and you know what you need, even if you can't figure it out right away.
<3s
Hey Joe. I'm sure things will be fine in the end. My motto, from Dorey, is "just keep swimming." It usually sees me through.
I just found out that my friend Mel is going to be teaching in Korea. She leaves in a week or so. It seems the new cool thing to do. I feel like I've missed out by not doing it!
Have fun for me, and hopefully we will get to see you at sometime when you get back!
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