So, I'm guessing I've lost my readership by now

Yes, I understand that it's been three and a half months since I last posted. Christmas was crazy, with a trip home that really took more out of me than I realized at the time. January blurred by as I read more and more about teaching and attempted to fix some of the mess I'd made because I didn't know any better. Over the past month, I've been working to retool our curriculum, trying to find tools that are more useful for the us and the kids. It's kept me busy and frustrated. I keep running into the same conflicts between business and education, quantity and quality, idealism and realism...

This past month, my seven year olds graduated, my six year olds turned into seven-year-olds whom I'm being allowed to keep, and I'm finally hitting a stride as a teacher that has a solid foundation. I hope.

So much happens here, and I chronicle so little of it. Part of me wants to get to the other side of the rough spots and pretend as though I was unscathed by it all. I guess I've been avoiding looking at it for what it is. I'm not sure of my reasons, except that I'm not sure what perspective I'd take on it all even if I were to look at it. I'm hoping that the future will provide the context for these experiences, and I'm working now to build something of this that will be future enough to justify it. All of this is probably exceedingly elliptical, but it is what it is.

I'm no longer working for that spark of recognition in a child's eye. It took me a while, but I finally realized that that spark was what I ought to have turned into a flame within the first month. It's a depressing realization, but an honest one. You live and learn, I guess. Time ticks on and I am pushing so hard, perhaps working against the past. It's a battle I understand is impossible to win, but because of all the times in my life that I've been fundamentally unmotivated, it's nice. Momentum is always appreciated.

I'm not going to try to get it all down right now. There's so much. From the look in Daniel's eyes as he asks me if we can watch Bob Ajosshi at lunch, to the two twelve hour days that started this week, it's all been a bit messy. I would say, though, that this place is becoming home in some serious ways. The job, too, is feeling like home. I can't imagine how I ever worked retail.

Anyway, I'd best be on my way. Life continues to tick-tock, and there's been so much time lost in the past few months that I can't begin to pour it all out of my head in one go. I might get separation anxiety.

Love to all of you, and prayers that you all are well,
Joe